you are still my mother... and i love you!

ive gone home from work, its past midnight already...
im supposed to be asleep, but i cant keep my eyes shut.

and all of a sudden...

i remembered my mother,
on how he cheated from my father when he was alive,
on how he hated him when he is around,
on how he spent all those money that my father worked for, put into waste
and on how i never felt her love for me at all...

but still...


everyday, i try to pretend i never had that crazy life before, ( and until today )
i wished that everything would go back to the past,
so that i could have changed bad things into good memories,
so that i could have stopped her from doing those things,
and so that i could answer my only question of why she hated me? her own daughter...


but i....


i could never hate her, after all
she is still my mother
she is still the person i miss
she is still the person i adore
she is still my inspiration
and she is still the person i love so much...
though i know she doesnt even care of how i feel for her


i missed her.... so much, if only she knows and if only she feels it too...

mt roller coaster ride...

ive been through a lot of emotional depressions lately...
been thinking a lot of what has happened with my past life too...

all of a sudden all those bad memories came back rushing to me again,
and all those people i love so much,
i have realized how terribly i have missed them.

my life is crazy, its a one hell ride of a roller coaster...
sometimes it made me wish, i was never born....